Alisa Miller

Are There Guys You Should Not Date?



Posted: Thursday, July 16, 2009

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http://alisa-miller.com

In the wake of the very public Rihanna domestic violence incident with boyfriend, Chris Brown, it is so easy to use the power of hindsight to draw lessons but, obviously, it is never quite so straightforward otherwise it would not have happened.

Still it does beg the question of whether there are some warning signs the smart girl can spot to vet a guy before things get to the point where fists start swinging and the cops have to be called in. Those who work in this field on a professional basis know that there are some indicators which can act as fair warning so it's worthwhile checking out to see what these are.

1. The temper thing this is so obvious that it is easy to overlook. We never think that temper control in a man is a problem until we happen to be at the receiving end. Look out for signs of impatience and sudden bursts which seem out of proportion to what has caused them.

2. The control thing a guy who gets all possessive is a sure sign of internal insecurities which often externalise into physical violence and psychological cruelty. This has nothing to do with trust and a whole lot to do with control so be on the lookout for it. It always starts small and gets bigger.

3. The honesty thing no guy who is in a relationship which is one-sided and manipulative is going to be honest with you about anything which matters. From the way he really feels about you to the kind of past he has had and maybe even his job. Lies are not OK in a relationship and the bigger they are the more of a warning signal they should be.

4. The macho thing the way your guy will relate to you and your relationship is very much linked to the way he relates to the world around him and it's issues. An overly developed macho attitude overcompensates for deep-seated insecurities which will not bode well for the equality of your relationship.

While there is no obvious cut-and-dried approach you can apply to every guy these four warning signals are present in just about every guy who ended up raising a hand to his girl. Keep them in mind, keep your eyes open and when you decide just who to go for try, as much as possible, to minimise the potential to make the wrong choice.

Alisa Miller is a relationship counselor and relationship author. Her articles on relationships and how to have the perfect marriage have appeared in newspapers and magazines all over the world. She is the author of the Ultimate Guide to the Perfect Relationship which is being translated into three languages and has been read by thousands all over the world. It can be ordered through Amazon or any good bookshop and it is available as an eBook from most quality online eBook outlets. She has written a guide on How to Talk to a Girl you Like  which is available to buy from every online eBook retailer as well as her own website, which she runs herself and which contains hundreds of articles with useful tips and advice. She admits that she spends more time online than she should.
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