How To Approach a Beautiful Woman In Public
Posted: Saturday, August 15, 2009
by Alisa Miller
http://alisa-miller.com
Before choosing to focus on my writing I spent five years modeling, traversing the globe and living in various expensive hotels and one of the things which many of my modeling friends used to complain about was the sheer loneliness and the lack of steady partners and the difficulty men had in approaching us in public.
I know it's a little bit of a shock to think that a model might be lonely. After all we live a life where we are feted as ‘beautiful people' surrounded by aides and various other hangers-on who are dying to answer our every request. We are driven in air-conditioned limos to exotic photo shoots and exclusive arty photographers' studios and after each assignment there is the required party and the all-night celebrations which go with the lifestyle and the job. Right?
All of this leads us to the burning question of just what kind of come-on would we respond to and when would be the most appropriate place to approach us? The suggestions here have come about from discussions I've had long into the night, with other model friends, in hotels, long after the noise of the party has died down when we've found ourselves alone and nursing drinks, exactly because no one had approached us, or rather no one we would have wanted to be with. As guidelines go my guess is they'll work with a beautiful woman almost anywhere.
Without further ado let's go and see what these guidelines are:
- Do not be shy. Beautiful women draw the eye, that's true. But we also tend to intimidate men and therefore get fewer real approaches than most. We are tired of the type of man who makes eye-contact across the room all evening and never takes things any further. We detest those who come up to us and then trip over their own words and we really hate those who put on a face of bravado and over-confidence which is clearly false and leads nowhere. Remember we are people who also need to connect, not dating-lab experiments.
- Do not be rude. Men who approach women who make them nervous tend to over-react. They are sensitive about their ego and aware of their vulnerability. They tend to misinterpret signals and take rejection badly. If this is any of you, now's the time to change for the better. Even if you crossed a barroom floor with everyone's eyes following you, talked to a beautiful girl and she turned you down, you still did it. Smile, say something clever and move on. Leave her your card. We like a man who is confident and polite. You never know, we might just call when you least expect it.
- Be natural. Beautiful women get hit on all the time. One-liners and gimmicky come-ons do not work because they do not sound original and they leave little room for taking things further. We are not fish to be ‘hooked' but people to meet. You need an ice-breaker to help break the ice but we need to know we are connecting with a real person, not a walking, talking cliché.
- Be interesting. If all you're going to talk about is the time your friend, Gerald, visited his aunt in Connecticut then do not expect much in return. Show us that there is depth beneath the surface and you have us intrigued.
- Pick the time. Coming up to us when we are eye-deep in men seeking our attention and adding your voice to the crowd is going to get you nowhere. While working, or shopping we are too absorbed in what we have to do to take notice of others. Pick a time when we are alone (or look alone) and talk to us then. In a bar or restaurant or other public place pick a moment when we are not busy with anyone.
- Listen then talk. No women wants to talk to a wall or spend an evening listening to a guy drone on about himself. Draw us out with questions. Find out things about us and then supply your own. Conversation is always a give-and-take game and you need to invest yourself in order to have us talk back.
- Do not be vulgar. I have lost count of the number of times a great evening with much promise suddenly headed south as drinks flowed and the jokes started turning a little blue.
- Do not be pushy. Good conversation, drinks and dinner do not automatically lead to sex. If it happens it is a natural result of the connection between two people. But to expect it as the pay-off to a routine ritualistic formula is demeaning and unrealistic.
- Do not be overcomplimentary. We look good and we know it. We expect a compliment but overdo it and we get turned off as we then think that all you see is the way we look. No girl wants to be with a guy who can is interested only in her body and face.
- Be funny. Make us laugh and you're onto a winner. Too many men feel that beauty can only be impressed by serious talk and they are wrong. Tell us something which is genuinely funny, light and irreverent and we will be on your side.
So, next time you see a beautiful girl, alone, in a bar or a restaurant and you feel like going up and talking to her so you can get to know her better, bear these guidelines in mind and you will find that your success rate with beautiful women will lift way above what you might expect.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Thank you for this and you are right it takes a lot of never to approach a beautiful woman in public. I think this is the main problem, I know that if I see a beautiful woman then the act of approaching it becomes huge in my head.
Thank you for this article, Alisa.... it is helpful, well written and obviously from the horses mouth, so to speak. No offence intended. Glad to see your writing here.. it is a new and fresh approach!
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