Don't Call Me Babe (and When Perhaps You Should)
Posted: Sunday, September 13, 2009
by Alisa Miller
http://alisa-miller.com
It was Pamela Anderson who in Barb Wire , a post-apocalyptic remake of Casablanca , immortalized the line by appearing in tight leathers and lycra and highlighting her silicone-enhanced assets. Whatever the ambitions or pretension of the B-movie might have been the tag line was ironic. Here was the epitome of the 'babe' for some two decades playing both in character and against stereotype in a semi-autobiographical role based upon a silver screen classic.
Men are inherently insecure - They feel uncertain of themselves when it comes to meeting women. We are a little past the cavemen days when a bump on the head with a moderately heavy club was acceptable behavior so we are reduced to a cloaked oral assault designed to infantilize us, as 'babe' is derivative of 'baby', and reduce us to objects of desire.
Women want someone to care for them - A baby is helpless and needs constant attention. 'Babe' takes the term into new heights by adding connotations of sexuality, availability and attention-seeking. This changes the man-woman dynamic from a relationship of equals seeking the same thing and bringing different aspects of it into the whole to a situation of carer-dependent.
It is a 'harmless' opening gambit - You can hardly start a conversation by telling a woman you find her beautiful and is she sexually available? (At least in most settings). So you need to establish whether she is open enough to at least accept the playfulness of a remark intended to denote exactly this kind of thing and then see if she responds, all the while being able to avoid having to say the words outright.
It is a sign of our times - We work, increasingly, in a multi-layered world where overt sexuality has become a sign of our times and where the sexes need catalysts which can help define the mating dance parameters. A woman who likes being called 'babe' accepts her role has been circumscribed to the boundaries defined by the word 'babe' and its connotations and she is happy to operate within them.
Whatever the reasons the effect is the same. When socially called for and mutually agreed upon the term presages a certain type of behavior between a man and a woman which forms part of what we should call a social contract. Issues occur when the term is used as a blanket term of appellation for every female which a male comes across. At that point it manages to debase both its own context of usage and those who use it and does no one any real good at all.
When I was undergoing an expensive education one of my favorite teachers said: "You can say pretty much anything you like. I am only going to ask that you think before you say it." At the time my reaction was the expected one of the rebellious teen listening to an adult in authority. Her words however have remained with me and I think if we apply them to any kind of modern-day interaction we have whether online or offline we will go a lot further in terms of striking the right note with members of the opposite sex.
This Article has been viewed 1,070 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Alisa-Very interesting conversation starter! Thanks for bringing it up! I will say as a wife in a committed relationship, I love it when my hubby refers to me as Babe, but I can see where you are coming from! Again, great job!Laura thank you for taking the time to write this! You are perfectly right that in a committed relationship context it changes totally. Coming from outsiders it is always different.
Great ArticleThank you Phil.
Hi Alisa, great points! I hate it when people I hardly know refer to me as Hon, sweetheart, dear, and babe. But babe stopped when I was young and turned into a "m'am". ha!Teresa, thank you very much indeed and yes, you're right. As women we are many times torn by the response we get to the way we look.
youre a strong woman(an oxymoron,traditionally,in what men seek in a woman;)A"babe",in most mens lexicon, is a sexy, non thinking,sometimes vacuous,but highly desireable sexual creature.Methinks,if you were called "babe,"within the context of mutual respect,in a relationship,you wouldnt object,as much.Any self-respecting man wants an equal(most men arent and therefore seek a subordinate,to their minds)Thank you for your considered response Paul, it is appreciated!
Great article. I am always surprised at the content of Searchwarp's community writers. Thanks so much!Ryan you are more than just welcome. :)
I absolutely hate it when guy friends who don't know me very well call me "babe". It makes me feel uncomfortable. I actually told a guy not to call me "babe" but he responded by making it into a joke and still calling me babe. I thought maybe I was overreacting, but this article reaffirms my decision.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.